Grace Ministries International

Bio:
I grew up in Powder Springs, Georgia, one of those rare Cobb County natives. In fact, my children are the fourth generation to live on the same property. Family has always been very important and our roots run deep. My home was a good one, and I have many happy memories. Spiritually, it could be easily classified as Christian - there was always an acknowledgement of the One True God and His power. Even so, when I remember my childhood, one event jumps to mind: the death of my father. He died suddenly when I was six years old; and, although I do not remember many details, I do remember what I felt – stark fear. In an instant I went from feeling completely secure in all things to being utterly terrified. I didn’t know it then, but a seed of fear was planted that would follow me into adulthood – fear of abandonment. A few years later my mother remarried and I was actually happy. I thought I would have a daddy again. I was wrong. My step-father was well thought of and loved a lot of people; but, he did not love me. He was abusive on several levels, but what affected me most was the verbal and emotional abuse. Almost daily he found a way to remind me that I was ugly, dumb, and lazy. As a teenager he made me feel like a tramp. Basically he told me that I would never measure up, and I believed him. Another seed of fear – fear of falling short. Although I was not aware of it, these fears took root and every relationship was filtered through them. I brought them with me into marriage and projected them to my husband. Our marriage seemed to work at first – he was a perfectionist and I worked very hard to be perfect. All was well…except that I grew more and more weary with each passing year. After nine years I just could not keep going, so I asked Brad to leave. I truly believed that was the solution. He could find someone who was good enough for him, and I could find someone that would accept me and make me happy. I was so deceived that I actually thought I was doing us both a favor. However, I did agree to counseling. My husband immediately humbled himself, dealt with his own baggage, and was ready to move toward reconciliation. The counseling did not really help me, though. I was not ready to work things out, even though Brad had already come back home. On the outside, all was well again. But I was dying inside. During that time I plummeted into a depression so deep that I could hardly function. I withdrew almost totally, barely getting out of bed, and interacting with people only when forced to do so. My husband did everything in our home, went to work, took care of our son, and he got absolutely nothing from me in return. Every Sunday we dressed up and went to church. I was very good at pretending that my little family was healthy and that I was measuring up as a wife and mother. I was so weary that I did not care if I lived or died, and I found refuge nowhere, not even in the Lord. Oh, I was a believer, saved at 13. But all I really understood about that was that I would go to heaven when I died. My Christianity was doing me no good at all for living life on Earth. In fact, it had just added to the list of my short-comings. Besides, I didn’t even want to approach God for help – how could I…I was too much of a failure. Would He really even be there? Finally I wound up in a GMI-affiliated counselor’s office, with this request: “I am miserable, I am trapped, and I know that I cannot get a divorce. Please help me to survive the next 40 or 50 years.” That was my greatest hope – survival. But God had so much more for me than mere survival. During those sessions I learned about all that I had received when I received Christ – lavish love and unconditional acceptance from One who would never leave me; and, I found rest for my body and soul. Once I understood all that it means to be in Christ – that I can do nothing to cause Him to love me any more or any less, I began to change. It was a while before my emotions and circumstances caught up with it all, but God was working. Soon, I projected the messages from God to my husband – love, acceptance, rest – all without fear. That changed our relationship and led to true reconciliation. During this process, my counselor suggested I attend a Grace Life Workshop at GMI. I did so, and on the very first night I knew with certainty that I would be on staff someday. That, too, has been quite a journey. In 1992, I completed the Conference and Workshop, and in 1993, completed the Winter Internship. I was on my way! However, as is often the case, God had a different plan. So, I spent the next several years at home raising our two sons and even returned to the corporate world for a while. I did not know it at the time, but God would use both to prepare me for His work. The time at home was busy, but also a spiritual respite and time of learning. Being a mother has been my greatest earthly privilege; and, although I did not do everything perfectly, God has blessed my family relationships beyond measure. Sometimes the greatest blessings have been born out of our failures. And, as I re-entered the workforce, many opportunities were presented in the Human Resources and Training arenas. This experience has proven invaluable in my role at GMI. Indeed, God wastes no part of our lives. So, the journey that began 17 years ago continues. Brad and I are still married and still growing. God still has His hand on our family and has invited us to share His work at GMI. As for me, I still hear those voices sometimes and I still catch myself trying to earn love, from both God and people. Sometimes I feel afraid and stand very close to the abyss of depression. But now there is another voice – the voice of the Lord reminding me that I am in Him and He is seated at God’s right hand. So, when I grow weary and need my daddy, I rest in Christ and put my head in the lap of my heavenly Father. There I am secure and all is truly well.